Weaken
by Weller's
Summary: It's not everyday you meet a woman with your name tattooed on her back. For Kurt Weller, meet Jane was the beginning of a beautiful relationship... and a very complicated mystery.
1. Chapter 1

_The first Brazilian fanfiction of Blindspot. Written by: jellerspot,_ _poedemorou and blindlist._

 _Translated to English by: jaelqiao_

Confused should have become my surname. Since the day I came out from that duffel bag, with each passing day and every revealed tattoo, my life has become increasingly confusing. After my conversation with Patterson, all I wanted was to be with Kurt and never get away from him. I finally had the courage to go through those walls and I found the best I thought I could find.

But after that, a Jane appeared again. The Jane of the tattoos, of the puzzles, of the days and days of great discoveries. And what a discovery!

After almost dying, the guy from my dream saved me. The guy from my dream turned out to be real. How could this have happened? Who is that guy?. Or worse: How does he know all that about me?

Confusion is my name at this moment. Moment in which I finally crossed the line that existed between my life before and after appearing in Time Square. Before, I didn't know what was on the other side, the side of the past, and although it was hard to live without it, it was easier to build a new story. A story that now had Kurt in it. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to know how my life was before Kurt Weller. Now I'm even more confused about if I want to know everything, but I don't have any other options. I have no way to turn back, to erase all this information of my head, and that drives me crazy.

After all those discoveries, I don't know how I managed to come back to the safe house without my security detail noticing my absence, but I made it. I couldn't sleep. It was too much information for my mind, too many feelings taking hold of me. All I can say it's that I knew it was gonna be a long night.

Only in the morning I noticed there were hundreds of messages from Weller on my cellphone. All of them asking if I had arrived home and if it was everything alright. I smirked when I realized that even though I can take care of myself very well, he cares about me. He should be pretty worried due to he tried to contact me until about 4 in the morning and I didn't answer any of his calls.

I was about to leave when I heard knocks on my door. The security guards always did this to make sure we didn't lose the schedule. To my surprise, they weren't the security guards, but Weller who was there. Waking up to those eyes filled with light is always a nice surprise.

We walked silently towards his car, at every moment he stared coyly at me and smiled. His smile made me feel uneasy, and at that moment that happened with an even greater strength. After last night's kiss, so many things had happened to me that I felt suffocated by all of it, and even more for having to lie to him. It hurt to lie looking into those eyes, but I had to do so by the mere fact that I couldn't predict his reaction, I imagined it wouldn't be good. The worst of all was that he looked at me in such a intensive way that the pain only got worse, so I chose not to look at him in the eyes

— Something happened? — He asked me while we got into the car.

— Nothing. Just a bad night's sleep — I replied with a fake smile, trying to hide the chaos that had dominated me.

— In that case, we still have 17 hours to make your day a good one.

Kurt said, holding my hand and squeezing it in his strong and warm hands. And for the second time in that day I found out myself forced to fake a smile

— Or not...— I said mentally, thinking about everything that was yet to come.

As soon as we arrived to the FBI building, Zapata met us, she seemed worried.

— What's wrong? — Weller asked showing concern.

She looked at us, turning slowly, and said:

— They found Tom Carter's body. He was murdered.

We exchanged a look and said at the same time:

— What do you mean?

But before we could get an answer, Mayfair came to meet us.

— Patterson has deciphered another tattoo.

When we arrived to the main room, Patterson explained us the bird tattoo that was under my neck hid an acronym referring to the address where Carter was found dead. Everyone was astonished and I felt even more confused. How did I know what would happen in that place? What else would they find? Will they distrust me?

— The initials hidden below the bird's wing hide the exact street name and number of the building where Tom was found dead. There was no sign of forced entry, but our agents have confirmed that the place used to be one of the CIA's Black Site, the same type they used to hide Dodi — explained Patterson.

— Why didn't we see it before? How that ended up in Jane's neck? — Kurt asked worried.

— We don't know how it ended up in Jane's neck, just like the other tattoos. — Concluded Mayfair.

— Oh, I know — I thought.

Mayfair asked us to go to the site to investigate and I couldn't be more nervous.

I was so nervous, I couldn't stop biting my nails.

— Are you sure you're okay? — Weller asked me again.

— I'm just tired - I said while I got into the car.

— Do you want me to take you back home? — He asked me placing his hand on one of my legs, squeezing it tenderly.

— I'm not only physically tired, Weller. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of discovering tragic incidents on my body, everything bad that happens seems to be connected to something that's written on me. It's something I can't even control.

He stared at me, deeply, while driving.

— You know, none of this is your fault.

Once again, the weight of my fault. I knew it was my fault. I knew it. Oscar told me that the plan of covering my body with tattoos was mine, so I had to learn to deal with all of that; but I couldn't.

We arrived at the crime scene - and my abduction scene just a few hours ago -. It was an old building that the Armed Forces had abandoned. My burden was taking charge of me and I didn't know how long I would be able to hide this from Weller.

Arriving to that place, I felt terrible. I felt terrible for having lied to Weller, to Patterson, to everyone… I felt bad for myself and for this plan that was leading us to cases more and more dangerous.

I ran out and sought shelter inside the car; for the first time, I felt a strong desire to cry. I couldn't tolerate having to bear the weight of all of that, I wanted to forget everything again.

But Weller wouldn't leave.

He quickly stepped into the car and gently grabbed my face so that I looked at him.

— Jane, what's happening?

— I've found the man from my dreams.


	2. Furious and Jealous

— I found the man from my dreams.

After this short and truly inconclusive sentence, she begins to sob and cry. I had never seen her that way before, not even when we met for the first time in the interrogation room. She looks so fragile now, paler than normal.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her into a hug. After some time like this, I put some distance between us, just enough to look into her eyes, but she avoids it.

— Jane — she still doesn't look at me. Something is wrong. — Jane, look at me — then she stares at me. Her eyes are red, she seems to be scared and that worries me deeply — Jane, I'm here, talk to me. What do you mean you found the man from your dreams? What does that mean? — I speak fondly.

She doesn't answer me, she only sinks her head on my chest and whispers

something like — Take me home, please.

So, I let her go — Wait here — I give her a long kiss on her head. I get out of the car and I hear footsteps behind me.

— Weller, is everything alright over here? — I turn around and I see Tasha.

— Yes, yes — I look at Jane again, now she hides her face trying to wipe the tears — I Just need you to take care of the situation, remember to tell me anything you discover — I say while walking around the car to get into the driver's side and Tasha follows me.

— Kurt — she speaks softly — is really everything alright? — She nods toward the side of the car where Jane is. — What's wrong with her?

— I don't know, but I have to take her home. — Tasha doesn't reply, only nods in agreement. I get in the car and speak again — Don't forget to tell me any news about the case, talk to some residents of the area, someone must have seen something. I'll be back as soon as I can — she nods again and goes back inside the building, talking to some cops who had also arrived.

I realize Jane stares at me. What the hell is going on?

— Kurt, I ... — she speaks with a trembling voice and I interrupt her.

— Calm down, everything's ok, we're going home — I tell her softly and smile at her. I need to know what's happening.

The way to the Safe House was surrounded by a devastating silence, but at least she had stopped crying; I look at her when we stopped at a sign and she's looking at something out the window, she looks very focused; I seek for that something or someone that she can be looking at, but I don't see anything special. Maybe she's just trying to think, but I can't deny I would like to know what goes on in her mind.

I park in front of her house and right away one of the security guards appears.

— Sir? — Albert speaks — Anything I can do?

— No, Albert, I just brought her home — I say getting out of the car and going to open the door for Jane.

— It's everything alright? Really? She seems ... — Albert doesn't finish his sentence and I interrupt him.

— Yes, Albert, everything is ok, we are coming in. — I look at Jane, she heads towards the door and opens it. Then I get in immediately and close the door — This is one of the reasons I have hired Albert, always ... — now it's my turn to be interrupted by Jane .

— Kurt, I ... Let me talk, okay? I ... I have to tell you something — she speaks indicating me to sit on her little couch and I do so.

— I'm all ears — I say already curious to know what she has to tell me.

She sighs and sits on the coffee table in front of me.

— I'm going to try to tell this so please let me talk. If I don't do this now I don't know if I'll be able to do it later. — she sighs again Yesterday, after I left the front of your apartment, I was quietly walking back home when some men surprised me, and ... They were very strong, I couldn't get rid of them. — She pauses and I close my fists thinking about what might have happened to her and I start looking for bruises on her, but can't find any. She continues — They took me to some place and tied me lying ... And when they removed what was covering my face ... — she takes a break and swallows — Carter was there. — I knew it! I knew it, it could only have been something involving that ... I take her arms to look at her wrists and they are just a little red. How did I not realize before?

She gets up and begins to walk around the room and I follow her with my eyes — He asked me questions about who I was and why I had been sent to the FBI ... And after I told him I didn't know none of the answers he ... he took a drill — at that moment I turn her around to me and look into her eyes.

— Jane, I'm sorry, but why didn't you tell me this before? — I look at her.

— Let me talk! — She exclaims nervous and sits on the couch — it was not just that.

— Continue — I was afraid where this story could lead, but she apparently wasn't hurt.

— Carter didn't get to use the drill because someone came shooting and he had to check what was going on, then some time later he was dead in one of the building columns — she concludes.

— Did you see who shot at him, Jane? — I ask.

— At first I didn't recognize him, but I remembered it, I remembered my dreams and my memories. _Oscar_ , that's his name, he showed me a video - she talks and I gasp, how's that? Another face of her memories? But they were not just memories, they were dreams.

— What video? — I ask.

She sighs and answers me — A video of my old self. _I_ or _s he_ had long hair and looked so ... confident. She said the whole plan to erase my memory, tattooing my entire body, sending me to you ... — for a first time she looked at me, her eyes were filled with tears and her always intense green eyes were now tired — it was all my plan, she said this was my mission — a tear falls from her eye and then another and another. I can't believe what I'm hearing.

— All of this, all that is happening ... Is this your plan? Is that what you're telling me? — I speak angrily but I try to control my tone.

— No, Kurt, no. It's her plan, not mine. I don't... I don't remember anything — she approaches me and I turn away from her. How can this be true?

— Kurt, you have to believe me — she asks me and I, in anger, feel a huge urge to punch something.

— No, Jane I do not know if ... — I can't finish the sentence, she tries to approach me again, I continue pulling her away — what do you expect from me, what do you expect me to say now? You're telling me that you chose me, among so many others, you chose. It means I'm part of your plan, your mission ... — I can't believe this is really happening. I'm always the one who dictate what happens and now she is the one who controls how I'm feeling, I'm part of her plan.

She faces me, crying, and whispers my name — please try to understand me. I don't know who I was before or why I chose you, but I'm not that person anymore. You know me — she tries to touch my chest and I grab her arm.

— No Jane, I do not know if I know you anymore. What's gonna happen when you remember everything? Your plan? — I say while smiling humorless — Are you gonna tell me what will happen? I don't ... I can't — I feel the urge to get out, out of that tiny space she placed between us. Her body is so close to mine, her big eyes asking me to understand her... But she also has to understand me — I ... I need some time to think about all this and then I'll decide what I'm gonna do. I pull her away and walk toward the couch — How's that? Oscar, dreams, memories, why did you never tell me about him? What kind of "dreams" you had about him? — Sure, it sounded a little more jealous than "worried about what to do" but what can I do? All I want is to punch something, something I can break. Oscar, Oscar. That name sounds in my head over and over again.

She sits next to me and I feel forced to look at her.

— Kurt ... it's not what you think. — She seeks my eyes and I walk toward the kitchen.

— No, Jane, you don't know what I'm thinking. — An explosion. I punch the kitchen table and I startle her.

— Kurt! Don't act like a child, it's not time for jealousy — she walks toward me, she's angry.

After all, how does she expects me to feel?

— I'm not ... jealous, Jane — I swallow, maybe my eyes shows I'm lying. — What else happened between you two at that meeting? — I cross my arms trying to keep a line.

— We didn't have time for anything else, Kurt. He just showed me the video and said he would explain it another time — she spoke a little more serious.

— Okay, so you arranged to meet him again? Great. — I smile ironically and walk toward the living room.

— I didn't have any other choice, Kurt, he's the only one who may have information of who I was and why I did all of this. — She talks angrier — I think I deserve to know this story until the end.

— Where is the Jane who was afraid to find out who she was before all of this? I ask staring at her.

— Where's Kurt who told me that no matter who I was or what I had done before, I was a good person? — she asks huskily and I realize I overreacted, but in my defense ... She has to understand how I feel, everything is starting to work out between us. I finally was sure that what I was doing was right ... and then that Oscar appears, having such a strong relationship with the former Jane. It's more than I can stand.

I didn't answer her question, so she sat on one of the chairs, leaned her elbows on the table and put her hands over her face. She looked tired and stressed, but I still had my doubts.

— When I had this dream, I decided to tell it to Dr. Borden, but ... —

— You decided to tell Dr. Borden instead of telling me? — I interrupt her and she stares at me severely. Her gaze was a mixture of anger, fatigue and sadness. — I didn't know how you would react, so I went to him. — She pauses. — But now I think I was right about not telling you, look at you.

Once again, I don't answer. I go to the living room and picked up the jacket I left on the couch.

— I have to get out. — I say so she, who was leaning against the kitchen door, would lead me to the front door.

Now she's the one who doesn't say a word. She just watched me leave, with her beautiful eyes on me.


	3. Reconciliation

Once Kurt left slamming the door, I went to the bedroom and laid down on the bed in an unsuccessful attempt to get some rest. I was rolling in bed thinking about all that had happened in the last hours. I still can't believe I was capable of doing all these things to myself. Tattooing my body, inducing me amnesia, changing my life completely... Who in their right mind would do something like that?

Kurt has reasons to be annoyed by all this, but I'd like he put himself in my place for a moment. I'm as confused as him. In the last weeks he has been the only one I can rely on. He has endeavored to help me find out about my past. And if that wasn't enough, a doubt about if I'm Taylor Shaw or not continues hovering in the air.

At one point, I find myself wondering if I was better before or after Oscar showed up. Somehow I was beginning to feel at peace. My relationship with Tasha, Reed, and Patterson was improving, I already felt comfortable among them. It was as if I were part of the team. However, now all this could be ruined. By the way in which Kurt get out of here, I was almost sure he was telling everything to Mayfair. I also was sure that it would take him time to talk to me again. He may ignore me for a long period. How could he trust someone like me?

At the same time I try to understand Weller's point of view, I think about me. I was confused and still am. Knowing I was the one who had planned this makes me forget some theories which hovered over my head about who did this to me.

I also think about the consequences of my meeting with Oscar. If Kurt went to

Mayfair and told her everything, he would probably be removed from the mission. It'd be hard dealing with it. Since the day that I appeared in Times Square, naked, and with his name tattooed on my back, it was him who has given me more support. At weekends, when we don't see each other, he texts me to check up on me and see if I need anything. I really appreciate his concern, it means a lot to me. And after our kiss I hoped things would change; and they have changed, but not the way I wanted.

 _"You can trust the man who's showing you this video. His name is Oscar and he's here to help you. I know you're confused and I know you want to find out who did this to you..."_. I couldn't get that video out of my mind. I was more than confused. All I wanted was to know why I had done this to myself.

My thoughts are interrupted by knockings on the door. Before I get out of bed, I

check the time and I'm surprised to see it's 21:00. I spent all day in bed and didn't realize it. Staggering I go to the door and open it. When I put my eyes on the person standing in front of me, my heartbeat accelerates. There he was, Kurt, staring at me with his deep blue eyes, they showed a little sadness and tiredness. In one hand he carried a bag and in the other, a pizza box.

— We need to talk. — he says with a firm voice.— May I enter?

I didn't answered, just nodded and allowed him to come in. When he walked by me, I could smell his scent . I closed the door and stay there for a moment to take a deep breath before turning to face him. He left the bag and the pizza on the table and turned to face me. I waited for him to say the first word.

— Listen, I know I was rude and childish behaving the way I did. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was a fool for having ignored your feelings. I know how hard this has been for you. — He pauses and puts a hand on his nape, he's nervous. I listen silently leaning against the wall. — But I hope you understand how difficult it has been for me. I don't understand why you have chosen me for this, I think you don't even know it yet, but we'll figure this out together. — He approached me and puts his hands on the side of my arms. The contact of his skin with mine caused a kind of jolt, making me shudder.

— Is this a truce? — I ask looking at him in the eyes.

— Yes, Jane. A truce. — Kurt says and, when I least expect it, he wraps my body with his arms. I close my eyes feeling his touch and lean my head on his chest. — We'll be fine, I promise.

We stood there, in the middle of the room, embraced to each other. I feel relaxed in his arms. I wish I could spend more time like this. It was as if for a moment, all our problems would disappear.

After a moment we release the hug, and he lovingly holds my arms once again

— I brought pizza and beer for you. — He says and I let out a little smile..

— You know you didn't have to do this.

— It was the least I could do for you

We sat on the couch and start to eat. I'm more interested in drinking. I haven't ate much lately. There are so many problems that eating is the last thing I think about.

I'm concerned about if he told Mayfair the latest developments or not, but I decide not to ask directly.

— How are the investigations going?

— I still don't know. — He replies, looking at me after taking a sip of his beer.

— How's that?

— After I got out of here, I didn't go there. I just took my car and drove. I needed to think a little.

— I see... — I agree, confused about that type of attitude coming from him. As far as I know, Kurt had never been the irresponsible kind.

My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my cellphone. I get up and go to where I left it; at the head of my bed. The caller ID shows it's Tasha.

— Hey Tasha. — I say

— _Jane? How's everything going?_ — Her voice shows concern.

— I'm fine... Did something happen? — I ask, forgetting what had happened earlier.

— _You and Weller disappeared and we didn't have any news. We couldn't contact either of you…_

— Oh, we're fine. It must be something wrong with our phones.

— _Do you have any news of him?_

— Kurt's fine, too. — I answer and I look towards where he is, still sitting on the sofa, his eyes are on me. — He's here.

I hear some giggles and feel my face blushing, I know what she's thinking. But given the time, it was normal that she would be thinking that.

— _Now I'm sure everything's fine. — She says playfully and I roll my eyes smiling. — I Have to hang up. Good night, and take care, you two._

I say goodbye and hang up the phone.

I return to the living room and sit down next to Kurt again.

— It was Tasha. She wanted to know about us. — I say. — She said she couldn't contact you today, so she got worried.

— My phone's battery is dead. Sawyer used it to play yesterday. — He says and I smile as I recall his nephew. — Jane, it's getting late and you need to rest. I'd better go.

— Kurt...— I say softly — Can you stay here today? — I ask shyly.

He looks at me with his beautiful blue eyes and smiles. — Yes, I'll stay. — He answers with a soft voice. — I'll sleep here on the couch.

— Okay, I'll get a pillow for you. — I return to my room and pick up a pillow and some blankets.

While I'm there, alone, I find myself wondering how good it would be if we could share that big bed in which I spend my lonely nights. I shake my head in an attempt to ward off the thought and go back to the living room. He was in the kitchen throwing the empty bottles and storing the pizza leftovers.

I leave the pillow and the blankets on the couch.

— Here's everything. If you need anything else just tell me.

— Thanks. — He says looking at me. — Have a good night.

Once again I was surprised by his arms wrapping around my body and his lips pressing a kiss on the top of my forehead. I'm a little confused when he releases the hug, I smile and wish him good night.

— Good night, Kurt.


End file.
